yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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