He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
