My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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