And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
