I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
this hospital has no fireball
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
