i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
