Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
