There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
