the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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