Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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