i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
