I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
