I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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