Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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