it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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