You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
