Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
