I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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