dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
