Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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