Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
