Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
