There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize