Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
