another moral hangover. fuck.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
