standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
