Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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