last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
