I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
