I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
