I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
