So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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