Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
