My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
