I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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