Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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