I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
