I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
