Don't EVER smell your tampon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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