it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
