youre lurking in front of me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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