Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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