Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
did i just pee glitter
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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