the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
