My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
