To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
