She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
