You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
