Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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