His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
