so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
