my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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