Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
