He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
