I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize