...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize