I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
vagina is talking i cant
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
