i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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