Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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