i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize