so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
