You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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