mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
