i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
