Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
