JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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