I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
