dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
