dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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