fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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