Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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