weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
