They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I intend to get homeless drunk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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