So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
